Holding on

What do we hold on to? Family, friends, old loves, hurts, success, failure, money, notoriety, our self and how we want to be, are, were? In these times of constant change, attachments are weak at best, how things have always been, and how they are in the moment, often have little in common. So what do we do? What can we do to live and thrive in the world as it is - constantly changing, fluid, and uncertain?
I find myself observing more and more. To be aware of the ever changing landscape of my life and the business community is more than a full time job. Within the observing, there are seams of opportunity - like eddies within a strong current. My ability to create lies in how easily I slip into those seams and use its gentle flow to move in the direction of where I want to go. It is in that un-resistant environment that I create.
Incremental progress towards the larger good ... that is where opportunity lies. And so, I let go of my desire to make broad leaps and bold moves, and I recognize that in the lesser effort of letting go and moving in concert with that fleeting eb, against the heavy current of skepticism and doubt, I can change little aspects of life. And in so doing change in concert with it.

Community

Our place in this world ... in a sense our aspect of the world through the lens of our experience and beliefs ... is a microcosm of the world itself, and it is the totality of the world as it exists.

Put simply - I and my community are mutually dependent, and not only that, we are one. I used to think that I could exist apart from the world ... When I was younger, my youth pastor used to tell me that we live in the world, but are not of the world ... "In it, not of it." Christians are separate, better than, saved. If there is a downfall to most organized religion, it is the thought that once a person is "Saved or Converted" they become new, different, distinct, and separate. In all respects, that is a fallacy.
We cannot exist separately from our environment, our community, our family, or our self. It is that isolation that becomes the slippery slope to thinking that we can act selfishly, that we are alone, and is the beginning of all illness, both personal and environmental.
Our society needs to relearn the meaning of integrity and use it as a universal aspect of our existence - we are never apart from; we are. We exist in concert with everything, and everyone. I hope that the environmental movement will inspire the general populace and our elected and chosen leaders to remember one simple fact ... apart from anything, we are nothing.

Safe Harbor

The wonder of life is our opportunity to create and re-create. Outside of ourselves, within ourselves, through ourselves ... we create. Elizabeth Gilbert in her book "Eat, Pray, Love," recalls how she decided to think in only positive and loving ways, of herself and of others ... her mind was a safe harbor - a refuge from all of the uncertainty of life. I so admire her willingness to put that thought out there. We are our own safe harbor - sheltered from the winds of uncertainty and the rising tide of doubt. We believe, than act, and in so doing move the world incrementally towards a higher purpose and being.

Although today I had my moments of sorrow and regret ... I am becoming each day more in awe of the wondrous journey that this life is for me ... and laugh out loud at the riddle of its meaning. I am safe harbor, calm, and a beautiful part of all that is.

Welcome the weather

These are amazing times. Amazing is one of those words that can be used to describe unbelievably good, or unbelievably bad: unbelievable is another one. Anyways, regardless of whether times are good, bad or somewhere in between - I am always taken by how the world around us is interpreted through our lens of expectations, hopes, fears, and past experiences.

Sometimes, I find myself running through a vast dialogue of point / counter-point on a topic of conversation that never occurs. It almost sounds a bit looney, really. We are all human, intelligent, and we learn. Through experience, and the learning that results, we are able to predict outcomes ... and there is nothing wrong with that. I would take it one step deeper to say that it is not really a question of right and wrong. It is more a question of comfort and discomfort, or of harmony and dischord.

I have been trying the following exercise ... prediction and effect, and then the next effect, and then the next effect - following that prediction / effect sequence to its final outcome. Each time I find that the final outcome is not really all that bad ... and if I take the time to look for the opportunities within each effect and outcome, then they are there in amazing numbers.

I would posit the each outcome has either a desired effect and known impact, or it has an unexpected effect and unknown impact. Either way, there are opportunities available. So our attitude towards what we predict to happen has everything to do with our attitude towards opportunities ... do we welcome them, or are we trying to keep our heads down and "ride out the storm?"

I am realizing that I really enjoy the weather - yesterday's thunder and lightning was amazing in both its speed and its intensity - and then it was gone, leaving that clean, fresh, ozone laden air that I love here in Oregon.

So, welcome the storm, look with unbiased and open eyes at each moment and find the beauty, grace, joy, and challenge in it. I like to say that we don't board the roller-coaster ride to fall asleep - he board to experience the joy of momentum, of gravity, and of weightlessness - how much greater are the experiences in life. It is a great ride, don't you think?

A Full Life ... Renewed.

We live life with the expectation that our relationships should be guided by some over arching principal ... I agree with that view. What principal shoud that be ... honesty, integrity?  If I listen to my father and mother, it is forgiveness.  When I am open to possibility, it is acceptance.  When I am clear in my goals and needs, it is awareness. My Christian faith counsels service.  I have seen countless examples of those who live by each of these... And still face difficulties larger than they are able to overcome... So what is it that moves one to blend in measure ebbing and flowing with the moment and momentum of life?  Maybe Love. As trite as that may sound, it may just be the one common thread of community with one and many. 

The Bible describes it this way:

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails.  [love is everlasting]. (1Corinthians, 13:4-8)

When I find myself seeking ... From fear of some personal failing, or want, I ask myself which part of this am I missing ... Am I self seeking?  Am I feeling jealous or resentful of all that has been placed before me to overcome?  Do I trust?  Am I hopeful, or am I tired and feeling defeated... We all fall into these places of doubt and of acting in ways less than our true created nature.  God, I pray ... Lead me through your tempering to become stronger, softer, more open and accepting more than I am today; less judgmental, less proud.  Clear my mind and heart of all that has come before so that I can bring more to the next one who finds a light in me worth investigating.  

Ecological Banking

Ecology is the study of the natural environment. It goes to reason then that Eco-banking should be banking that takes into consideration the natural environment in how financial services are offered to businesses and individuals who operate within the natural environment.
So how would a bank change the products and services it offers in order to benefit the local ecology? That is a good question. The reason that is a good question is because as bankers we have always looked to improve and increase the ROI / ROE value to our shareholders and our depositors first. By doing this, we preserve the integrity of the bank and provide a safe place to store funds while preserving the financial soundness of the institution. Seems to be the way to do business now and into the future.
Eco-banking asks us to consider additional criteria in our business dealings. How do the services we provide help to preserve and grow the communities in which we are entrusted with our customer's hard earned money? Can we do this any better than we are now? I think we can. Communities are similar to farms. They require fertile soil, attention to the weather, discerning seed activities, and careful nurturing of the resulting growth. Banking services and bankers take on a complimentary role to the farmer - they are the tools in which these activities can be accomplished more efficiently.
There are various methods - each with intrinsic strengths and weaknesses. Some would say that the best banks are those that nurture the mature plantings - they deal with existing businesses and support the continued growth and expansion of those businesses. In my opinion, and ecology oriented bank considers the entire system in its dealings; from start-ups and home-based endeavors to soundly established going concerns.
Each stage in the cycle requires specific care and attention. Attention to soil conditions prompts us to consider public policy and how we might influence our local representatives to take action which promote growth in our communities.
Seed activities involve micro-lending and the growth of the venture capital sector, while also promoting skills development and education of the local single-person service provider to help them avoid common business pitfalls and to accomplish controlled growth and sound fiscal management. As those seedling businesses begin their growth, banks can provide continued education in best business practices, and counsel regarding the broader economy and pending storms and opportunities. Small business lending and treasury services can provide both useful tools and objective oversight of trends and ratios within the growing seedling business. As established businesses expand - providing seed opportunities to the broader Eco-system, while supporting supplier businesses with capital needed to grow as well - Mutuality becomes increasingly important. Finally, at the end of the business life-cycle, an Eco-banker can help with succession planning and help to insure the continuance of the business, thereby promoting the growth of the larger community.
We live in dependent systems and rely on the health and success of the broader business, personal, and natural environments in order to remain resilient and vital. I believe all of us benefit from a vital and growing local and regional economy - no to mention the grander vision of the nation and world. If we can always look outside our small piece of the larger picture, and recognize the numerous ways we can help to create a healthier system, we all benefit from the small efforts of each one of us. Eco-banking, the notion of looking to the greater ecological landscapes around us and endeavoring to promote, sustain and grow that environment, provides a way to accomplish this very noble goal.

Letting go

Been approaching life a bit different lately ... letting go of expectations and desires for specific outcomes and finding much more joy in the present. A co-worker asked me today what my preference would be for the department of one that I currently head up. After thinking about the question, I responded that the best outcome, in my opinion for the bank would be for the department to be absorbed as part of the corporate culture - meaning there would be a consideration of environmental issues in all that we do as a bank. But that would mean that my position would no longer be necessary - unless they kept me on as a content expert or knowledge officer... which at this bank would be unlikely.
The best outcome for me professionally would be to grow a division around environmental lending initiatives. But then that would turn me into a manager, limiting my public contact and making my focus more on reports than on business development or outreach. I don't have much interest in reports.
So, in total, the preferred outcome would be for me to become expendable ... the follow on question was, "so, are you okay with that?" My response ... sure ... I am not overly tied to either outcome ... just enjoying what I am doing today and working on growing the philosophy and approach within the bank and out into the community. The experience and visibility are both good for me from a resume perspective. My hope is that I will be able to leverage this time into international travel. I think I am starting to get it ... Buddhists call this compassionate objectivity ... feeling without taking possession. I like that message.

Down time

It has been a while since I wrote ... hope all is well with you.

There must by cycles that we are all subject to ... or maybe I am bipolar. Whichever the case, today was a day that I chose to hide more than seek. I don't know why these changes come or from where. Some days, I can talk to anyone about anything - it seems. Today was a day to step away from all of that. I am not particularly impressed with that decision. I don't know exactly why either.
I had lunch with a friend, bought some flowers for a couple others - just random acts of kindness to let them know I am thinking of them and that I appreciate them. And I am fine with all of that ... I just feel a little out of balance.
Tried singing Willy Wonka ... "if you want to see paradise, simply look around and view it ... you can change the world, there's nothing to it." That helped a bit. Writing helps a bit.
Walked into a social situation with tons of people - all connected to green building, design, or project management ... and felt like I needed to get out of there. Like social anxiety ... and I am not particularly like that. I am a little tired ... have been digging up the past a bit - accepting it as it comes into view - but wondering how it all fits together.
The fact that the universe is a perfect machine does not always translate into knowing where I am at any given moment. Maybe it is a lack of landmarks - that this is all new terrain. There is uncertainty in that picture - but it does not need to be uncomfortable ... it can be wondrous and exciting and interesting and mind expanding. It should be - it is. Let it go ... accept what is and enjoy it. Buy it some flowers.
I feel a little better now.

Listening and trusting

No one is perfect ... I am surely not. I am becoming more aware and more conscious in how I choose to communicate. Old habits weaken slowly ... because they serve a purpose. They keep us "in control" due to the predictability of their effect.
In the book, "The Art of Racing in the Rain," the main character quotes a famous race car driver as saying that in the rain, we loose the predictability of how the car will handle and become reactive. In life, the same thing happens when we are faced with unfamiliar circumstance. One of the ways a driver will compensate is to pre-emptively create a controllable situation - pitch the rear end out around a turn and then control the slide. Because the slide is consciously begun, the corrective action is also well known and can be applied in controlled ways. The driver is never reacting, the driver is acting, and then correcting, predictably.
With my son, I am trying to get there. Consciously acting, listening and counselling with love, and with a calm tone. I have ceased raising my voice. He can tell I am frustrated by his decisions ... but at 18, they are his decisions to make.
Again, I come back to the thought that all of this is necessary for him, and for me, to grow through and to accept as perfect. I am acting in ways that have intergrity to my beliefs and benefit the world around me. The path is what it is ... Although I am uncertain as to its' final destination, I believe it will prove to be a wondrous trip.

Careful words

I have a book in me ... I just know it. :)

Tuesday brought my son home at 2:30 am. The good news, he came home in his own car - I didn't have to pick him up at juvenile detention. The other good news ... I don't sleep when he is out late and so the night was a short one. The tertiary good news ... I was moderating a panel discussion at 7am that morning. So on 3 hours sleep, and under the influence of significant amounts of B12 and caffeine, I began my day.
The panel discussion was addressing the gap between building a great building - energy efficient, healthy, lots of sunlight - and finding a banker who recognizes something other than the financial performance of the building. Daily Journal of Commerce was there taking notes. The conversation went really well ... conclusions all pointing towards taking the extra time and effort to consider how the "healthy" aspects of a project translate into better financial returns for a variety of reasons ... then it happened. The B12 and caffeine wore off. Out of my mouth comes the following, "As a banker, I don't care about how clean the air is or how many people show up to work each day ... what matters to me is how your cool LEED Silver, Gold, Platinum, Living Building performs differently than a traditional building built to code. Show me how your building performs better - lower expenses, lower maintenance costs - and how that generates higher Net Operating Income." :-)
The fact of the matter is that I do care, but I was being intellectually lazy in making my point - The human aspects of the sustainability movement are the drivers of change - In order to support the benefits intrinsic in LEED projects, we need to carefully define and defend how the characteristics of a LEED building contribute to behavioral change in the occupants and therefore add value. I know this ... Creating a healthy environment benefits all parties in various ways. Triple bottom line - People, Place, Profit. I didn't make that point in my statement - but it was a great sound bite ... and so was quoted in the DJC and attributed to me. Dan Weldon, Vice President, Eco-banking Manager, LEED AP, Traditional Asshole Banker. Oh man :)... (laughing at self and at life generally). This is what keeps life fun. Maybe I will have the opportunity to clarify ... maybe not. It is out there in the ether now. And I move on. This message needs to be clear - it takes a community of dedicated, intelligent people to solve complex problems. Linguistics - the translation of one language to another - gets a bit convoluted at times. We need to find alternative paths that are not presently there - life is like that.
I enjoy the opportunity to learn this in so many different and vital ways. It all adds to the richness of the journey. I am building new and unique pathways of reasoning in my brain. Making connections that were not there previously. Through those connections, I will see things which were previously hidden from me. That is the beauty of life and learning. I so enjoy being a student.