Friday, April 10, 2009

Down time

It has been a while since I wrote ... hope all is well with you.

There must by cycles that we are all subject to ... or maybe I am bipolar. Whichever the case, today was a day that I chose to hide more than seek. I don't know why these changes come or from where. Some days, I can talk to anyone about anything - it seems. Today was a day to step away from all of that. I am not particularly impressed with that decision. I don't know exactly why either.
I had lunch with a friend, bought some flowers for a couple others - just random acts of kindness to let them know I am thinking of them and that I appreciate them. And I am fine with all of that ... I just feel a little out of balance.
Tried singing Willy Wonka ... "if you want to see paradise, simply look around and view it ... you can change the world, there's nothing to it." That helped a bit. Writing helps a bit.
Walked into a social situation with tons of people - all connected to green building, design, or project management ... and felt like I needed to get out of there. Like social anxiety ... and I am not particularly like that. I am a little tired ... have been digging up the past a bit - accepting it as it comes into view - but wondering how it all fits together.
The fact that the universe is a perfect machine does not always translate into knowing where I am at any given moment. Maybe it is a lack of landmarks - that this is all new terrain. There is uncertainty in that picture - but it does not need to be uncomfortable ... it can be wondrous and exciting and interesting and mind expanding. It should be - it is. Let it go ... accept what is and enjoy it. Buy it some flowers.
I feel a little better now.

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