Monday, April 6, 2009

Listening and trusting

No one is perfect ... I am surely not. I am becoming more aware and more conscious in how I choose to communicate. Old habits weaken slowly ... because they serve a purpose. They keep us "in control" due to the predictability of their effect.
In the book, "The Art of Racing in the Rain," the main character quotes a famous race car driver as saying that in the rain, we loose the predictability of how the car will handle and become reactive. In life, the same thing happens when we are faced with unfamiliar circumstance. One of the ways a driver will compensate is to pre-emptively create a controllable situation - pitch the rear end out around a turn and then control the slide. Because the slide is consciously begun, the corrective action is also well known and can be applied in controlled ways. The driver is never reacting, the driver is acting, and then correcting, predictably.
With my son, I am trying to get there. Consciously acting, listening and counselling with love, and with a calm tone. I have ceased raising my voice. He can tell I am frustrated by his decisions ... but at 18, they are his decisions to make.
Again, I come back to the thought that all of this is necessary for him, and for me, to grow through and to accept as perfect. I am acting in ways that have intergrity to my beliefs and benefit the world around me. The path is what it is ... Although I am uncertain as to its' final destination, I believe it will prove to be a wondrous trip.

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