A Full Life ... Renewed.

We live life with the expectation that our relationships should be guided by some over arching principal ... I agree with that view. What principal shoud that be ... honesty, integrity?  If I listen to my father and mother, it is forgiveness.  When I am open to possibility, it is acceptance.  When I am clear in my goals and needs, it is awareness. My Christian faith counsels service.  I have seen countless examples of those who live by each of these... And still face difficulties larger than they are able to overcome... So what is it that moves one to blend in measure ebbing and flowing with the moment and momentum of life?  Maybe Love. As trite as that may sound, it may just be the one common thread of community with one and many. 

The Bible describes it this way:

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails.  [love is everlasting]. (1Corinthians, 13:4-8)

When I find myself seeking ... From fear of some personal failing, or want, I ask myself which part of this am I missing ... Am I self seeking?  Am I feeling jealous or resentful of all that has been placed before me to overcome?  Do I trust?  Am I hopeful, or am I tired and feeling defeated... We all fall into these places of doubt and of acting in ways less than our true created nature.  God, I pray ... Lead me through your tempering to become stronger, softer, more open and accepting more than I am today; less judgmental, less proud.  Clear my mind and heart of all that has come before so that I can bring more to the next one who finds a light in me worth investigating.  

Ecological Banking

Ecology is the study of the natural environment. It goes to reason then that Eco-banking should be banking that takes into consideration the natural environment in how financial services are offered to businesses and individuals who operate within the natural environment.
So how would a bank change the products and services it offers in order to benefit the local ecology? That is a good question. The reason that is a good question is because as bankers we have always looked to improve and increase the ROI / ROE value to our shareholders and our depositors first. By doing this, we preserve the integrity of the bank and provide a safe place to store funds while preserving the financial soundness of the institution. Seems to be the way to do business now and into the future.
Eco-banking asks us to consider additional criteria in our business dealings. How do the services we provide help to preserve and grow the communities in which we are entrusted with our customer's hard earned money? Can we do this any better than we are now? I think we can. Communities are similar to farms. They require fertile soil, attention to the weather, discerning seed activities, and careful nurturing of the resulting growth. Banking services and bankers take on a complimentary role to the farmer - they are the tools in which these activities can be accomplished more efficiently.
There are various methods - each with intrinsic strengths and weaknesses. Some would say that the best banks are those that nurture the mature plantings - they deal with existing businesses and support the continued growth and expansion of those businesses. In my opinion, and ecology oriented bank considers the entire system in its dealings; from start-ups and home-based endeavors to soundly established going concerns.
Each stage in the cycle requires specific care and attention. Attention to soil conditions prompts us to consider public policy and how we might influence our local representatives to take action which promote growth in our communities.
Seed activities involve micro-lending and the growth of the venture capital sector, while also promoting skills development and education of the local single-person service provider to help them avoid common business pitfalls and to accomplish controlled growth and sound fiscal management. As those seedling businesses begin their growth, banks can provide continued education in best business practices, and counsel regarding the broader economy and pending storms and opportunities. Small business lending and treasury services can provide both useful tools and objective oversight of trends and ratios within the growing seedling business. As established businesses expand - providing seed opportunities to the broader Eco-system, while supporting supplier businesses with capital needed to grow as well - Mutuality becomes increasingly important. Finally, at the end of the business life-cycle, an Eco-banker can help with succession planning and help to insure the continuance of the business, thereby promoting the growth of the larger community.
We live in dependent systems and rely on the health and success of the broader business, personal, and natural environments in order to remain resilient and vital. I believe all of us benefit from a vital and growing local and regional economy - no to mention the grander vision of the nation and world. If we can always look outside our small piece of the larger picture, and recognize the numerous ways we can help to create a healthier system, we all benefit from the small efforts of each one of us. Eco-banking, the notion of looking to the greater ecological landscapes around us and endeavoring to promote, sustain and grow that environment, provides a way to accomplish this very noble goal.

Letting go

Been approaching life a bit different lately ... letting go of expectations and desires for specific outcomes and finding much more joy in the present. A co-worker asked me today what my preference would be for the department of one that I currently head up. After thinking about the question, I responded that the best outcome, in my opinion for the bank would be for the department to be absorbed as part of the corporate culture - meaning there would be a consideration of environmental issues in all that we do as a bank. But that would mean that my position would no longer be necessary - unless they kept me on as a content expert or knowledge officer... which at this bank would be unlikely.
The best outcome for me professionally would be to grow a division around environmental lending initiatives. But then that would turn me into a manager, limiting my public contact and making my focus more on reports than on business development or outreach. I don't have much interest in reports.
So, in total, the preferred outcome would be for me to become expendable ... the follow on question was, "so, are you okay with that?" My response ... sure ... I am not overly tied to either outcome ... just enjoying what I am doing today and working on growing the philosophy and approach within the bank and out into the community. The experience and visibility are both good for me from a resume perspective. My hope is that I will be able to leverage this time into international travel. I think I am starting to get it ... Buddhists call this compassionate objectivity ... feeling without taking possession. I like that message.

Down time

It has been a while since I wrote ... hope all is well with you.

There must by cycles that we are all subject to ... or maybe I am bipolar. Whichever the case, today was a day that I chose to hide more than seek. I don't know why these changes come or from where. Some days, I can talk to anyone about anything - it seems. Today was a day to step away from all of that. I am not particularly impressed with that decision. I don't know exactly why either.
I had lunch with a friend, bought some flowers for a couple others - just random acts of kindness to let them know I am thinking of them and that I appreciate them. And I am fine with all of that ... I just feel a little out of balance.
Tried singing Willy Wonka ... "if you want to see paradise, simply look around and view it ... you can change the world, there's nothing to it." That helped a bit. Writing helps a bit.
Walked into a social situation with tons of people - all connected to green building, design, or project management ... and felt like I needed to get out of there. Like social anxiety ... and I am not particularly like that. I am a little tired ... have been digging up the past a bit - accepting it as it comes into view - but wondering how it all fits together.
The fact that the universe is a perfect machine does not always translate into knowing where I am at any given moment. Maybe it is a lack of landmarks - that this is all new terrain. There is uncertainty in that picture - but it does not need to be uncomfortable ... it can be wondrous and exciting and interesting and mind expanding. It should be - it is. Let it go ... accept what is and enjoy it. Buy it some flowers.
I feel a little better now.

Listening and trusting

No one is perfect ... I am surely not. I am becoming more aware and more conscious in how I choose to communicate. Old habits weaken slowly ... because they serve a purpose. They keep us "in control" due to the predictability of their effect.
In the book, "The Art of Racing in the Rain," the main character quotes a famous race car driver as saying that in the rain, we loose the predictability of how the car will handle and become reactive. In life, the same thing happens when we are faced with unfamiliar circumstance. One of the ways a driver will compensate is to pre-emptively create a controllable situation - pitch the rear end out around a turn and then control the slide. Because the slide is consciously begun, the corrective action is also well known and can be applied in controlled ways. The driver is never reacting, the driver is acting, and then correcting, predictably.
With my son, I am trying to get there. Consciously acting, listening and counselling with love, and with a calm tone. I have ceased raising my voice. He can tell I am frustrated by his decisions ... but at 18, they are his decisions to make.
Again, I come back to the thought that all of this is necessary for him, and for me, to grow through and to accept as perfect. I am acting in ways that have intergrity to my beliefs and benefit the world around me. The path is what it is ... Although I am uncertain as to its' final destination, I believe it will prove to be a wondrous trip.

Careful words

I have a book in me ... I just know it. :)

Tuesday brought my son home at 2:30 am. The good news, he came home in his own car - I didn't have to pick him up at juvenile detention. The other good news ... I don't sleep when he is out late and so the night was a short one. The tertiary good news ... I was moderating a panel discussion at 7am that morning. So on 3 hours sleep, and under the influence of significant amounts of B12 and caffeine, I began my day.
The panel discussion was addressing the gap between building a great building - energy efficient, healthy, lots of sunlight - and finding a banker who recognizes something other than the financial performance of the building. Daily Journal of Commerce was there taking notes. The conversation went really well ... conclusions all pointing towards taking the extra time and effort to consider how the "healthy" aspects of a project translate into better financial returns for a variety of reasons ... then it happened. The B12 and caffeine wore off. Out of my mouth comes the following, "As a banker, I don't care about how clean the air is or how many people show up to work each day ... what matters to me is how your cool LEED Silver, Gold, Platinum, Living Building performs differently than a traditional building built to code. Show me how your building performs better - lower expenses, lower maintenance costs - and how that generates higher Net Operating Income." :-)
The fact of the matter is that I do care, but I was being intellectually lazy in making my point - The human aspects of the sustainability movement are the drivers of change - In order to support the benefits intrinsic in LEED projects, we need to carefully define and defend how the characteristics of a LEED building contribute to behavioral change in the occupants and therefore add value. I know this ... Creating a healthy environment benefits all parties in various ways. Triple bottom line - People, Place, Profit. I didn't make that point in my statement - but it was a great sound bite ... and so was quoted in the DJC and attributed to me. Dan Weldon, Vice President, Eco-banking Manager, LEED AP, Traditional Asshole Banker. Oh man :)... (laughing at self and at life generally). This is what keeps life fun. Maybe I will have the opportunity to clarify ... maybe not. It is out there in the ether now. And I move on. This message needs to be clear - it takes a community of dedicated, intelligent people to solve complex problems. Linguistics - the translation of one language to another - gets a bit convoluted at times. We need to find alternative paths that are not presently there - life is like that.
I enjoy the opportunity to learn this in so many different and vital ways. It all adds to the richness of the journey. I am building new and unique pathways of reasoning in my brain. Making connections that were not there previously. Through those connections, I will see things which were previously hidden from me. That is the beauty of life and learning. I so enjoy being a student.

What good may come

I was listening the the classical music station today while driving home from work. I like classical music sometimes ... it seems to give space for me to drive, to experience the world around me, and to listen. Pop and rock tend to fill my brain so that I don't think - I only feel. Both have their time and place for me.
Anyways, during this particular segment of the program, they were interviewing a group that will be playing at Reed College Saturday night - I am sorry to have to miss it. They play a Spanish classical "Andalusian" style of music - The Oud, a violin, and a guitar - the group is call Al Andalus.

DATE & TIME: March 28th 2009 7:30 p.m.
LOCATION: Kaul Auditorium, Reed College, 3203 SE Woodstock Blvd. Portland, OR 97202, Reed College Events http://events.reed.edu/
TICKET HOTLINE: 1-800-838-3006 http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/54495
(A) $25.00 (B) $20.00 (C) Students $10.00 (ID). Tickets are also available at the door.

Tarik and Julia Banzi - the interview was with Julia Banzi. She was telling the story of how they were scheduled to play in Los Angeles and that when they arrived, the promoter told them that they had expected a quartet - not a duet. They needed to find 2 more participants to play a concert scheduled within the week. When asked if they viewed this as a dilemma, Julia responded "I thought what a great thing to happen - this will be wonderful for us!" The interviewer added, "it is great that you had such a positive attitude toward such a difficult situation and thought that something good would come of it." Julia responded ... "something good always does."

I cheered aloud in my car YES ... "something good always does." I have my challenges in life - they keep life interesting and vital. Sometimes I am tired, and choose to close my eyes and ears. Sometimes I choose to delay or act lazy. I don't have to. I am recognizing more that it is my openness to accept what is and to listen and respond with love and empathy that allows me to see. And the good comes - "it always does."

Life as I see it

When it is all said and done, we do choose our life. We choose how we view every situation; how we hear every statement; how we read every sentence ... we choose to be accepting or rejecting.
I was thinking back today about something I didn't know at the time ... and learned much later in life. Straight out of High School, I applied to Stanford University. I never heard whether I had been accepted or not. I also applied to Columbia - got a partial Scholarship to play football. Was accepted to Dartmouth, and Cornell. I knew all of that, though. I learned about a year ago that I had been accepted to Stanford ... 27 years after the fact. So I started thinking about that ... How fun Stanford wold have been. I wondered what my life would have been like. Would I have gone on to be a Doctor? Would I have met the guys who started Google? Would I be a Google-millionaire? So many possibilities. And then, I smiled to myself, knowing that the fiction that was running through my mind was just that ... Fiction.
It is the same thing I find myself doing at other times about other things ... what is she or he thinking? What are their motivations, their needs, their wants, their agenda? The answers may be insightful, based upon observation, and may be accurate - but they are also compiled through the lens of my personal experience, and therefore fiction.
I have lived my lives based upon this fiction ... I have had to in some degree. I have lived the experiences I have to become who I am now. And now, I am learning to delay my creative tendencies ... my fiction writing and living abilities.
Could it be that the world, the universe, is a perfect system? How would my life change if I accepted each moment as the best possible reality of that moment. The universe would not change ... my life would not necessarily change. My enjoyment of being has surely changed. It is an internal shift - a shift of perspective.
Maybe the world does become a better place when I accept it as such. Maybe my acceptance affects those around me in positive ways, and therefore creates a shift in my environment, which changes the world. I don't know that to be true ... I suspect it to be so. It is not really for me to decide or claim one way or the other. I do know that I love the life I have and the moments that I experience as I live it. I accept it for what it is and take my steps forward, or sideways, with confidence that my life is grand, and I am experiencing its' expansion through a renewed vision to see a larger and more intricate picture. Wow ... isn't that the point of living? Yes, it is. :)

Life comes at us ... does it?

We are not passive in our actions day to day. We take each step - involuntarily, we breathe each breath. Our heart beats. Ours is an active life - a purposeful life. To say that life comes at us is to relieve ourselves of our part in this journey.
In my life, I felt most hopeless when I had given the control of my life over to another or over to chance and entropy. In each instance, it was a choice I made ... to drive the boat or to allow the boat to drive itself. If no one is driving and the boat hits a rock, it is not the boat's fault.
My son is learning this lesson ... and I am as well. I have been inconsistently steering the boat - we have wrestled over directions - I have given him guidance based upon my experience and allowed him to clip the shore. The ship is still water tight, but it will take some extra effort, and some time specifically focused on repairs, to right the boat.
As we make those repairs, we learn what it takes to fix something that is damaged. Ours has not always been the closest of relationships. I am blessed to have this opportunity to make some repairs in that regard.
I believe that all that happens in this life serves the ultimate purpose for our being - our existence.
To digress a bit - imagine if we would take the active choice allegory and expand it ... what if we CHOSE our life prior to being born? The over-achievers would choose the more difficult path to test their ability to overcome. The under-achievers, or those who were just tired would choose the easier options - wealth, luxury, intelligence, self-assurance. In this regard, I take joy in my difficulties - I welcome the toil and see how it is making me stronger, bringing me closer to all that is God. I know that in all, and through all, I am growing, expanding, becoming.
So I take the next step, purposefully, turn the rudder, and move in the direction unknown - with an attitude of wonder and anticipation for what is sure to come so clearly into view.

Making good

Some nights I feel more like writing, tonight I am writing anyways. A recurring theme with me is to assume the worst, and to be surprised when the best happens. I have been certain of the best at times, and then when everything unexpectedly changes, I recognize that as something less than the best ... I have decided to change that about myself. It is a common trait that runs in the family. It doesn't make it right, just common - and common is rarely best.
I had a meeting today with a very important customer - in many ways they define my role at Umpqua Bank and were a good portion of the impetus for Umpqua to enter into the environmental financing field; that and Obama's recurring call for energy independence, echoed by the Governor and the Mayor. My customer and the bank have an agreement of a shared focus on energy projects. They are graded by their ability to show that they are supporting those projects, we want to make loans that add to our bottom line, as well as that support our care for the local community and the environment ... recognizing me as a banker, the priorities are pretty obvious. Regardless, it is admirable to do well while going good - so we persist.
The meeting was to discuss the program's performance to date and to look for ways to improve. What I assumed would be a gripe session, clearly from the start was an acknowledgment of the difficulties of business in the current environment and a collaborative effort to agree on ways to improve where we can - in all ways a very productive meeting. Not the meeting I was expecting. I walked away shaking my head in semi-disbelief. I know that we are executing the deliverables well, charging to market with guns blazing, and seeing some small but measureably positive results. I did not think that they would view it the same way. Why is that? Why is it that my first inclination is to think that whatever is being done is not quite as good as what could be done?
I must remind myself to clean my mental lenses before entering into a meeting, a discussion, a new setting, and look with available faculties ... open ears to intently listen, open eyes to read body language and non-verbals, an open mind to consider what is being said and to creatively approach the project with a loving heart.
We make our own good - with whatever is at hand. Words to remember and consider often.